Important Quotes: (By Me and Others)


"I don't get pissed off, I get pissed on." -me


"I used to walk on sunshine, but then my feet developed
skin cancer." -me


"If a person makes art he's an artist, so why isn't a
person who races a racist?" -me


"Birds Of A Feather Don't Name Each Other Heather." -me


"If I did that my mom would dress me up like a bat and
leave me at Ozzy Ozborne's house." -me


"-Then you hit her with a sack full of potatoes!" -me


"Pudding only on thursday." -me


"With Jesus, it's always a party! " -me


"My Balls Itch." -my cousin


"Why grow a moustache it'll just leave you." -me


"Did you see that womans chest!? You can see it from like a
mile away!" -me


"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING BALANCE TO THE FORCE! NOT LEAVE
IT IN DARKNESS" -me after taking a dump


"If you really love him, give him teh oral smex" -Me on
what a girl should give her boyfriend for his birthday.


"He's not here today due to violent diarrhea."- me on
someone's absence.


"Funnel Cake." -me


"SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAA" -Leonidas


"Weddings during cold weather is nice, everyones nipples
are hard." -me on wedding date


"Intellectuals are a dying breed, I should know I killed one." -me

"YOUR 6 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN SURF THE WEB?! Man! Kids these days, you give them peanut butter and the make hydrogen bombs." -me

[23:34] imafool617: omg!
[23:34] onefalllchild: omg?!
[23:35] imafool617: the biggest ouse ive ever seen just
crawled out of this hole in the wall.
[23:35] onefalllchild: are you serious? haha
[23:35] imafool617: Yeah!
[23:35] imafool617: blouse*
[23:35] imafool617: oops sorry.
[23:36] imafool617: it had blue dots and yellow stripes.
>.> ew.
[23:37] onefalllchild: hahahah goddamnit tony
[23:37] onefalllchild: YOU AND YOUR TOMFOOLERY
[23:37] imafool617: lol


"ah, the weekend, nothing like a 2-day break from school to lift your spirits, as if plucked from the ground and carried aloft by a giraffe 20 stories tall..." -me

"I'm no side kick! I'm the Hero! THATS RIGHT! NO LONGER A SIDE DISH, BUT THE MAIN, FUCKIN, COURSE!"-Mashed Potatoes after The creation of the Mashed Potato Bowl at KFC

My Cousin: (looks at a girl working inside a store at the mall)...
My Sister: You should go talk to her
My Cousin: No, thats not right, talking to her while she's working.
Me: Yeah that's like dating a girl and molesting her sega genesis on the first night.


Time for Urban Legends


Urban Legends: The Salt Kid

Legends tell a tale of a boy who went to the store to buy salt for his mother on the first Tuesday of every month, but one Tuesday the boy did not return from the store...He was hit by a jogger on the way home and died. The mother was buried by her grief, her husband left her for a giraffe as well. She sought out a way to revive her dead child and she came to the only way possible, Necromancy. She need to take a pickle and shove it into his grave- But when she did so the kid rose from his grave and killed her with a pack of salt, you know, the ones you get from restaurants and diners, then he disappeared into the air. Now every first Tuesday of the month he will appear and go to buy salt, If you are at the register and you are his cashier, You will be cursed -You will die in two months. The only way to cure yourself of this curse is the next Tuesday he appears you need to take a pickle and toss it at his feet.

Urban Legends: The Tooth Fairy

The tooth fairy wasn't always who she was today. She used to be a street thug, a crazy hooligan, and most likely a prostitute. She used to hold up kids with a knife and knock out all their teeth for her collection. Kids around the world lived in fear, they couldn't walk outside without losing a tooth. But, one day she was caught by the Fairy Police Department. She spent some hard time in the slammers with only teeth to keep her company. She began to see the error of her ways, and swore never to mug again. Kids now having no where to put their teeth, they all decided to put them under their pillows. The tooth fairy seeing this decided to take them and in their place left money -Oddly enough the amount varies from house to house. So in the end instead of mugging children, She breaks into private property to take your teeth and leaves money.


Urban Legends: How the Elephant Got His Trunk

There is many variations of this story, but I believe mine is most accurate. Get ready for this eye-opener, your whole world is about to change, if you're standing up- sit down, if you're sitting- stand up, if you're laying down then roll. Anyway onto the story. In the jungle lived this elephant. The elephant was really lazy and was tired of walking everywhere, so he bought a car, a used car. The elephant was pleased of the cheap price and drove home, and all the while didn't notice that the car was missing a trunk. When he got home he sawed the trunk off his neighbors car and put it on his. All the other elephants thought it looked great, and copied him. So that's why when you see an elephant driving a car, the trunk of the car will be a different color.